Information for Clients on Common Mental Health Issues

Understanding Grief and Loss

Grief is a normal response to any significant change or loss that occurs in the context of living. A grief response may include physical, emotional, cognitive or spiritual manifestations. Grief is unique to the individual experiencing the loss. Grieving is a process that may be ongoing over weeks, months or even years.

There are many types of loss including relationship loss due to death or separation, functional loss due to illness, disability or aging, material loss such as loss of home or personal property and intra psychic loss which is a perceived loss of something hoped or planned for that is never realized.

People who are grieving usually have a broad range of physical, cognitive and behavioural reactions. Sometimes there is a significant spiritual distress. Some of the more common feelings and reactions to loss are listed below.

People respond to and experience grief in relation to the type of loss that has occurred. Grief after the death of a loved one may be affected by the strength or dependency in the relationship, whether the death was sudden or unexpected, feelings of guilt or ambivalence in the relationship, previous loss history and personality factors such as how one typically deals with crisis.

After a significant loss, the bereaved person may experience triggers that remind them of the person who has died or the life change that has occurred. Some triggers could be anniversary dates, holidays, change of seasons, sights, sounds or even certain smells. Anticipating such triggers may be helpful as it allows for the opportunity to develop and plan strategies to assist in coping. Some helpful strategies might be talking to a friend, writing in a journal, walking or some other recreational activity. Planning a ritual to commemorate important dates has been helpful for many grieving persons. Giving oneself permission to grieve and to freely express feelings and concerns is important.

The healing process usually occurs naturally over time. Some people benefit from speaking with a counsellor if their grief feels overwhelming and inhibits day to day functioning. Occasionally, complicated grief reactions occur which prevent the grieving person from moving forward and reinvesting in life. Suicidal ideation, self harming behaviours such as drug or alcohol abuse, or prolonged intense grief are signs that more formal support is needed. The family physician is a good initial resource for assessment regarding the need for antidepressants or other appropriate medication and for referrals to a counsellor.

One of the treatment options available at the Personal Development Centre is the Living With a Loss Group. This group is both educational and supportive in nature. It provides an opportunity for the bereaved to share their experience in a confidential and accepting environment. Spending time listening to and interacting with other participants can help to build a more hopeful perspective about the situation and to lessen the sense of isolation. Having one’s feelings honoured and validated can assist in the healing process. The groups’ learning goals are to assist the bereaved person to accept the reality of their loss, to recognize and express the feelings associated with the loss, to adjust to the new environment and to begin to let go of the relationship or event that has occurred and to reinvest in life.

Grief is a journey that has no clear ending. The intensity of the pain usually lessens over time and the memories become gentler. We never forget and are forever changed by the experience. Often people reflect about personal growth that has occurred through the process and gaining new insight about life and its meaning. Sometimes the loss provides a catalyst for new direction in one’s personal, spiritual or vocational choices. Grief is a normal and necessary response to life’s changes and transitions.