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There seems to exist a number of principles of action and thought that, when practiced, lead to more enjoyment and relaxation in life and, when ignored, often lead to more suffering and stress. These principles are rather simple and basic in nature and may also be ones that you are probably already aware of yet forget about or forget to apply in your daily life. Some of these principles are derived from folk-wisdom, some from religious teachings, some from common sense and some from psychological and biological studies. For example, the expression “Don’t cry over spilt milk” on the surface may sound simple and trite. However, if you consider how much of your energy sometimes goes into lamenting, replaying, regretting or berating yourself over a past accident, mistake or misdeed you can well appreciate how this advice, if followed or not, can add to your present level of happiness or misery. Practicing the art of accepting what has happened, whether it was spilling that glass of milk on your new carpet, or making a bad investment in a slide rule company, frees your mental energy up from negative thinking about something you can’t do anything about, to being open to what is happening now, right before your eyes.
 This brings up a second principle, staying in the “here and now”. With the world we live in being so full of sights, sounds, textures, sensations and activity, isn’t it a pity to be thinking so much about past regrets (that we can’t undo) or future catastrophes (that may never happen). Staying in the “here and now” means being fully alive and aware of what is happening moment to moment right under your nose. When we’re in the “here and now”, life flows with a lively dance. There is little tension and stress because there is nothing that conflicts or opposes anything else.
Que sera sera. Let go of outcomes. We create much needless worry and anger by prematurely judging results, such as spilling milk or losing money, as good or bad. In fact, it seems sometimes like all we do is judge each and every thing that happens to us as good or bad. It’s no wonder life can sometimes feel like a roller coaster. The Japanese phrase “Ah so” corresponds to the western expression of “so be it”. Simply observing some of life’s ups and downs, rather than quickly reacting with a hasty judgment can result in much more peace of mind and enjoyment of life.
Complete unfinished business. Have you ever had a project that you almost completed but had yet to put the last coat of paint or last button on before it was finally done? That unfinished project kind of stays with you in a nagging way, doesn’t it? And surely you’ve had situations when you wanted to say something to someone or express an emotion but didn’t say it or held it in? These too may stay with you until you finally tell it to the person or express the emotion, whether it’s a day later, a week later or, sometimes, years later. Complete unfinished business and you’ll find yourself feeling “lighter” and you’ll find you have more attention and energy freed up to fully enjoy the “here and now”.
 Take personal responsibility for your feelings, after all, it was you that created them! No person possesses supernatural powers to go inside your head and create your emotions. It is you that creates them by the things you choose to say to yourself in your head. Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself, to your internal chatter. Are the majority of your thoughts critical, negative or judgmental in nature? Are you jumping to conclusions about events based on little information or on the hearsay and personal interpretations of others? Are you minding-reading the motives of others and concluding that they are acting out of the worst possible motives? Do you find yourself thinking about the world in black-and-white, yes/no terms when, in fact, there are so many grey areas and discriminating differences? So much of our misery is self-induced, created by the irrational, cynical or and negative thinking of our mind. We can’t always control the world or its events but we do have control over how we choose to perceive, interpret and react in response to how life and the world unravels itself. This realization gives us back enormous power and responsibility to determine our own mental experiences and well-being.
Decide for yourself what is right or wrong, proper or improper, desirable or undesirable. We have all grown up inevitably conditioned to the values and rules of life that have been given to us by our parents, friends, schools, marketing companies and the entertainment industry. Give some thought to what you truly value and deem appropriate. It may not coincide with the values and expectations of others. “If fifty million people say a silly thing, it is still a silly thing.” Trust your own voice and what fits for you and find the courage and persistence to follow that even if it may mean being at odds with the “herd”. The benefits can significantly outweigh the losses.
Take less responsibility for the emotional welfare of others. Sometimes we spend a lot of our energy trying not to offend others, hurt their feelings, get them angry and so on. Instead of being intimate, we are nice; instead of being honest, we are being protective of others’ feelings. We have been conditioned to believe that it’s important to be nice and to be nice means that no one should ever be angry, sad, hurt or offended by our actions. However, it is not a “bad” thing if someone becomes angry, sad, hurt or offended by our actions. Honesty, directness and openness brings people closer, more intimate with each other. We do not “help” others or our relationship with them by “protecting” their feelings. What we foster by protecting feelings is a stifled, rigid, distant relationship devoid of movement, intimacy and liveliness. Expressing ourselves honestly and openly to a person we care about, without using manipulation, hidden agendas or deliberately hurtful messages, often results in a emotional and awkward situation at the time, but subsequently results in a closer and more fulfilling relationship with that person. And it’s another principle of mental health that, when we genuinely express our uniqueness and inner self to those around us through our speech, behaviour and appearance, without hidden agendas as our motive, we find an uncommon feeling of satisfaction, harmony and enjoyment within ourselves.
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